Agree or Disagree: Calgary is an easy place to date.


Agree or Disagree: Calgary is an easy place to date.

The above link is from clover.co. It has dome some research on easy it is to date in different cities.

I would like to point you what they say about Canada.

Canada

“Central Canada is predominately looking for love where the West and East Coast are more casually oriented. The more remote locations in the North seem to show more of an interest in making new friends above all else.”

Then, there is this map below….

.CloverHeatMap2014-Canada

According to this research, Montreal is looking for love and Edmonton looks to hook up.

So Calgarians, you live here. You might be single, or in a relationship or even yes, married.

How easy is it to date in Calgary? If you are single, what are your options? Where do you go?

If you are in a committed relationship, or married how easy was it for you? Are you glad to be out of the so called “scene”?

I’ll be honest: I’m tired of this repeated, irrelevant behaviour from Christianity. But,there’s hope.


rob-bell

I have never met Rob and Kristin Bell. I have enjoyed some of his books and his videos. I find Rob’s approach to Christianity refreshing He likes to question, challenge and make people think.  Not only that, he strikes me that he has an optimistic view on live. I imagine Kristin is the same.

I imagine that it was this behaviour that led him and Kristin’s interview to reflect these statements in their interview with Oprah Winfrey.

One of the oldest aches in the bones of humanity is loneliness. Loneliness is not good for the world. Whoever you are, gay or straight, it is totally normal, natural and healthy to want someone to go through life with. It’s central to our humanity. We want someone to go on the journey with.”

Rob Bell

Oprah Winfrey asked, “When is the Church going to get that?”

Rob Bell said: “Lots of people are already there. We think it’s inevitable and we’re moments away from the church accepting it.””I think culture is already there and the Church will continue to be even more irrelevant when it quotes letters from 2,000 years ago as their best defense, when you have in front of you flesh-and-blood people who are your brothers and sisters, and aunts and uncles, and co-workers and neighbours, and they love each other and just want to go through life with someone.”

With that, the internet exploded.

Perhaps it was Kristin’s pragmatism that had her state this.

“I think there are a lot of people who as they see culture moving, their response is to dig in deeper and hold their ground.”

Was she ever right.

In one of many articles from the Christian newspaper world, Christianity was, quite frankly, disappointingly predictably, up in arms by the above comments from Rob and Kristin Bell. That the church is “moments” way from embracing the idea of same sex marriages.

Click here for one example.

Christians over the internet have proclaiming the end is near with this statement. They have proclaimed their place and reminded you who belongs and who does not in their church. And reminded you again that if you are one of “those”, you will not be included in God’s church. There may be some that accepts “them”. But they are not really one of “us”. They aren’t the “Biblical” church.

Biblical. Interesting word.

Here are some of the “Biblical” tweets and Facebook comments I have read today.  Read them, and take a moment to read some Biblical responses to them.

“Why don’t Christians realize that Rob Bell walked away from Christianity a long time ago and thus it doesn’t matter what he says to Oprah?”

Judge not, lest you be judged Jesus said

Former “Pastor” Rob Bell Goes Full Blown Apostasy – Says the Church Should Embrace What God Calls An Abomination.

“Love your neighbours” Jesus said

Rob Bell, village idiot, global false teacher.

“Love your enemies” Jesus said.

And as a reminder, who can forget when certain Christian leaders, subtly or blatantly, depending on your perspective, encouraged  people to stop feeding children in third world because World Vision was willing to hire people in same sex marriage. One even bid them “farewell”. They cancelled sponsorships in droves.

“Feed my sheep” Jesus said

“Truly, I tell you whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me” Jesus said.

You can attempt to translate and twist them however way you want. But the response from Jesus is straight forward.

Meanwhile, while you continue to scream “abomination” from your moral superior  and privileged porch, it is noticed that you refuse to align with “them’. You refuse to bake cakes for “them”. You ignore homeless, bullied and even suicidal kids that you refuse and reject from your church.

It is noticed that you think that you are better than “them”

Your catcalls, insults,and condescending behaviour is becoming irrelevant. Your us vs them approach is irrelevant

What is relevant is what has been relevant all along. People.  People of all shapes and perspectives working together to strengthen our village. Our community.  Realizing we don’t have all the answers, but questions on how everything works in this world. Instead of us vs them, it’s simply us.

Working together to fix the oldest ache in humanity’s bones. Loneliness.

Agree or Disagree: You need chemistry to fall in love


Agree or Disagree: You need chemistry to fall in love.

The above link is one of probably many links one can find on this topic.

One of the definitions of chemistry is the complex emotional or psychological interaction between two people.

Some feel that chemistry can be a little misleading. This above article presents 6 chemistry myths that can lead to an assumption of if you, or you are not in love.

They are

1) Love happens instantly, you must be absolutely sure from the beginning, you’ll know when you find it, and “chemistry” is all you need

2) Physical lust is always the same as love

3) You can’t fall in love with someone you are not immediately excited about.

4) You can’t fall in love with an old friend.

5)  Relief is the same as love.

6)  If I’m this excited, it must be love, and this person must be good for me.

What do you think? Do you Agree or Disagree with this?

Agree or Disagree: When an affair leads to marriage, it is ok to celebrate it.


I’m not a big reader of Advice Columns . But today in the Calgary Sun, there was a question that caught me, and some other people’s eye as well.

A person named Disapproving (Note, real name  may NOT be Disapproving) wrote to Amy Dickinson and wrote this question.

DEAR AMY: One of my female family members — unmarried and in her 50s — recently disclosed to our large family that she has been having an affair with a married man for 30-plus years. They met while she was in college (he worked at her university), and he has one adult daughter. He is in his 70s.

Her announcement was prompted by the recent death of his wife. Now they are public about their relationship, attending family weddings, sending gifts, etc., as a couple.

Shortly after their relationship became known openly, she announced that they were engaged. Their wedding and her bridal shower are both being planned. My family and I have already been asked to save the dates.

She is an adult and is free to make her own choices; it’s really none of my business. My dilemma is this: I do not want to be a part of the shower or the wedding. I feel that while the intent is for these events to be a celebration, they are a disrespectful spectacle; their infidelity is now public only because his wife has passed away.

I don’t want to take a dramatic stance in any of this. I just want to avoid it altogether. Any suggestions? — Disapproving

Amy’s response was this.

DEAR DISAPPROVING: If you want to avoid drama, then you should also avoid harsh judgment. If it is possible for you to forgive your relative for her decades-long involvement in an extramarital affair, you should do so. You presumably don’t know the circumstances behind this affair and — spun differently — your relative seems like someone who has been profoundly patient. Would you wish to deny her the fullness of happiness now?

It is quite easy to decline an invitation without making a statement designed to ramp up the drama. You simply respond politely that you will not be able to make it to the festivities. You do not need to supply a reason.

However, please realize that life is both short and complicated. People sometimes make baffling choices. But the legitimizing of a relationship between two consenting and legally available adults seems like a good thing, even if you don’t approve of how they got there.

You can read her column here.

Do you Agree or Disagree with her response? What would you do if you were in this situation?

Agree or Disagree: Humans are too obsessed with sex


It’s been a while since we have Agreed or Disagree. Hope you will have a great 2015!

For our first one, I thought we would discuss a favourite subject of many…sex. Some may argue, maybe too much?

Are we humans too obsessed with sex?

This link is from Debate.org. It will argue why some say we are too obsessed with sex. Or, why we aren’t.

What do you think?

Agree or Disagree: Women Love Bad Boys and Dump Nice Guys


We have actually done this topic before,

It was in April of 2013.

However, I thought it would be an interesting conversation to unpack again. Especially with an individual who is advertising an idiotic, seriously  idiotic dating style. I’m not advertising or posting what it is. You know what it is. It doesn’t need my advertisement.

Rather, let’s look at this here. This article looks is titled Why Women Love Bad Boys and Dump Nice Guys.

Then, we will get your thoughts. Do women love bad boys and dump nice guys?

What is BDSM?- A perspective from someone who is in the BDSM Community.


A lot has been made since Sunday’s revelation that Jian Ghomeshi relationship ended with CBC. Shortly after CBC made the announcement, Ghomeshi posted an update on his Facebook. This included the following statement;

“Let me be the first to say that my tastes in the bedroom may not be palatable to some folks. They may be strange, enticing, weird, normal, or outright offensive to others. We all have our secret life. But that is my private life. That is my personal life. And no one, and certainly no employer, should have dominion over what people do consensually in their private life. “

This comment, along with other themes on his Facebook post, has led to many different themes of discussion. One of them was the topic of BDSM.

To be clear, and I think many would assume this, I do not know much about BDSM. I have had some conversations, but my opinions and perspective can be effectively denounced as uneducated. However, I do think in the midst of this discussion and debate of what exactly happened with Ghomeshi, it is important to get sone knowledge on what exactly BDSM is.

This is why I approached someone who I know is a member of the community to write a guest post tonight. But first, some clarity.

From my understanding and conversations, many in the BDSM have chosen to keep this a private manner. There are several different reasons for that. Family, confidentiality, fear of judgement. For these reasons, the person and I have agreed that the author be anonymous. I hope you can respect that. I also hope that you respect that this is a perspective, and as you will read, it is one perspective. This person give’s theirs.

So, I hope this gives you a perspective on what BDSM is.  My sense is this debate about Ghomeshi is long way from over. The topic of BDSM and what it is will continue. 

I also ask that you refrain from any judgemental and abusive remarks to the individual. 

Read below.

I never heard the name Jian Ghomeshi before this week and I still don’t really know anything about him. What I do know is that because of this man, it seems the whole country is abuzz. Now I’m not one to decide innocence or guilt, I’ll leave that up to our justice system but I do take issue with anyone being judged based on their sexual orientation or their lifestyle choices. As I said, I’m not one to decide innocence or guilt so I am not going to speculate what happened between Jian and his former lover. What I hope to do is spread an understanding of what BDSM is. I have always been of the belief that the more people understand the less judgmental they become.

I discovered BDSM and more specifically Domination and submission (D/s) nearly ten years ago when I was in my late 30’s. It was at times overwhelming to learn how very different people can be while still all being the same at the end of the day.

Every day of my life I hear some variation of “Oh I can’t do that, it wouldn’t be right” or “You must behave like XYZ, nothing else is acceptable” When I hear this I want to scream, WHY?? Why do we all have to conform? Why can’t we be expressive of what’s inside of us without fear of retribution for being different? Within my community there is a sub-community, a BDSM community, a community where people can be themselves without fear.. Few people in this community use their real name, some because they prefer a nickname but many others because they fear being found out, they fear their employer or family or their Pastor finding out that they enjoy associating with so called sexual deviants.

This fear is very real and it is very justified. People from all walks of life take part in some sort of BDSM activities, this includes Doctors and Lawyers as well as Celebrities, it also includes people who may be going through a divorce with a child custody battle. The fact is that simply associating with the BDSM community can be risky for people who want to protect their privacy. Someone might attend and event because they are fascinated with Shibari (decorative rope bondage considered to be an art form) and they want to learn more, or they may hope to meet a potential partner who is interested in it as well but as they are seen leaving the event the rumors begin to fly, suddenly, instead of being someone who is open minded and interested in an art form they become sexual deviants and are labeled abusers.

The reality of this community is really that of a family that is very protective of it’s members. I know with absolute certainty that if I went to members of the community and said that I need help then I would get help. If I went to members of the community and asked for information they would be sure to get me the information. And you know, it wouldn’t bother me a bit if I was getting that help from a guy who prefers to wear dresses or from a girl who gets completely turned on by Shibari or from someone with bruises on her backside because her partner was having so much fun with his new paddle the night before.

I digress, you don’t want to know about the BDSM community, you want to know about S&M, the juicy stuff.

S&M, Sadomasochism is only part of what BDSM is. I identify as a submissive who might have some masochistic tendencies.

The first thing you need to know is that if whatever is taking place is not 100% consensual then it is not BDSM, it is indeed abuse. But what about the term “consensual non consent”? This would be something that would be discussed at length between partners, they might discuss a scenario in very general terms with the sub or masochist consenting to whatever else might happen. This is not something to take lightly, it is very important that both partners have full trust in each other. Why do the girls in BDSM porn always look terrified and end up crying? Simple answer really, BECAUSE IT’S PORN, it’s not real!! No means no….except in BDSM? This is often true for a few reasons. Think of a small child being tickled and shouting “no” or “stop” so you stop tickling just for him to want you to start again. No and stop are words that we often say instinctively without thought and often without really meaning it. Many people who practice BDSM use safe words, a word that is not used in everyday language that means stop or no. If you were at a BDSM event and heard someone shouting “purple elephant” you could be pretty sure that is their safe word and whatever activity they are engaging in will stop immediately.

Safe words are used because both partners know ahead of time that activities they are engaging in can be risky, they are aware of the risks and they are also aware that sometimes things might go wrong therefore they need a quick easy way to communicate that the activity must stop immediately. S&M activities often stir up deep emotions, ones that we thought were long buried and gone. A safe word may be called because the physical pain has gotten to be more than they can handle (keep in mind we are talking bruises and welts, not broken bones) or a safe word might be called because an unpleasant memory or emotion had surfaced and that partner simply needs to stop play in order to deal with these feelings. But what about when the partner is gagged? Those partners have come up with a way to non verbally safe word, often the masochist will be holding an object in their hand and if they need things to stop they will simply drop the item.

So why do people do this you are probably wondering. Well, if you ask 100 different people you will probably get 100 different answers so I will give you my reasons.

I do it because it’s fun….well it is, and sometimes that’s really the only reason.

The first conclusion I came to to explain why I enjoy this type of play is that I love a challenge and enduring physical pain is an incredible challenge. Fight or flight wants to kick in, but no, I have to win, I have to hold on as long as I can. In the end it is so satisfying, and I have an incredible feeling of accomplishment.

After having done some serious self reflection I did discover another reason why I engage in this type of play. Life is hard, life beats you down sometimes and when it does the world will look at you and wait to see if you can manage to get back up on your own. I have realized that it is less the actual S&M play that I crave but then end of the play session, the time when my partner wraps a soft blanket around me and holds the glass of water for me while he strokes my hair and tells me how amazing I am. You see, life won’t pick you up and make it all better but my partner will.

BDSM is not abuse, it is not about a submissive being weak or about conforming to what anyone else feel they should. BDSM is about being true to yourself, it’s about discovering your own flaws and weaknesses and embracing them so that you can overcome them. It’s about growth and sharing yourself with someone else completely, it’s about being completely honest with yourself and with your partner even if you don’t want the neighbors to know.

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