Agree or Disagree: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord

sub·mit  (sb-mt)

v. sub·mit·tedsub·mit·tingsub·mits

1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.

2. To subject to a condition or process.

3. To commit (something) to the consideration or judgment of another. See Synonyms at propose.

4. To offer as a proposition or contention: I submit that the terms are entirely unreasonable.


1. To give in to the authority, power, or desires of another. See Synonyms at yield.

2. To allow oneself to be subjected to something.

It started with me reading this article

The title of that article is called It Matters Whom You Marry. It is written by someone who is called The Christian Pundit. She has written this article warning young women of the importance of who you should marry. She warns of the dangers of so many levels of the type of guy you should marry. And the type of guy you should not.

Since this was posted on Facebook, I decided to comment on this. To be frank, I see some issues in what was written. I stated in a nutshell that while I understood the intent of the post, I thought it put some unfair expectations on men. And I also thought it come across condescending. Read that and see what you think.

A girl responded to me and said if I didn’t like this post or saw issues with it, that “this post would not bother a man unless he recognizes falling far short in his own attitudes and actions.” 

So, I decided I was going to break this article down and explain why. Them after thinking about it more, I decided this.

This is where I need to be honest.


Although this verse  and this concept seems to be a common thought amongst many of my Christian friends, this is not something I’m comfortable with.


I’ve been in “leadership” of many things. Teams, groups, projects and committees. I have directed plays. At no time did I feel like I wanted people to understand they were under my authority. I have tried to be a collaborator. Gain ideas from all involved and make the best decision.


And yes, I have dated before. I have never felt that I my relationships that I was the “leader” of the relationship. I haven’t sensed that the woman wanted , or quite frankly even should submit to me. And to be really honest, I don’t want her to feel that she should. I’m also not comfortable with the idea that I am in charge of the entire spiritual dynamic. So when I read a thought like this  one from the article for example…

“If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.”

That actually scares me that there is this type of expectation from women.

 Now reading that for some of you, particularly if you are a Christian women, probably isn’t something you want to hear from a Christian guy. You probably desire that. And that might have disqualified me or any guy who thinks that from your dating options. But this is my personal issue and attitude towards that.

Now, you might ask why? Why would this bother you

Because it feels like I’m applying for a job. I’m applying to be a qualified candidate in a small company. I need a resume. Have an interview. Or two interviews I have some duties roles and responsibilities . She has duties, roles, and responsibilities.  

However, in spite of what many people spin it, it does not feel too me like it’s love. I know I’m not in the relationship. So I’m speaking in a distance.

I feel this whole concept of men in leadership and women in submission loses me on some important parts. We are doing things together. We have dreams, desires and goals. We struggle together and succeed together. We individually have our ups and are there for each other. We have our downs and are there for each other. And maybe it gets messy and not what it “should” look like. But we recognize that God was there with us even when we missed Him.

Am I missing something? Is the idea of man being the “Head of the house” and women “in submission” the best way for a marriage to work? Are my obvious shortcomings and attitudes the issue?

Or is there a different way to think of this?


2 responses to “Agree or Disagree: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord

  1. For me, mutuality is the key. I’m a big fan of the whole “mutual submission” idea. The passage you point out in that article, frankly, IS a problematic relationship because ALL the spiritual responsibility would fall to the woman. In my relationship, I have been blessed to find someone I am both challenged by AND a challenge to spiritually. Spirituality is not an area where I am comfortable with one of the couple constantly being at the forefront, much less being the *only* one involved. (“Will he lead you in prayer, etc… Or will you be on your own” makes it sound to me like he won’t be involved at all.) I similarly would not be comfortable if he insisted on making ALL the spiritual decisions. If that’s the plan, there’s no reason for me to be there at all.

  2. Well, I will submit (definition #4 haha) this: One thing that proponents of that verse (or their husbands must rule interpretation of it) neglect to mention is that the word submit doesn’t even exist in the original greek. The actual wording (if I remember correctly) is “wives to your husbands as to the Lord”. The word “submit” is borrowed from the previous verse- Eph. 5:21 which says “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Lots of folks have written on this topic a lot more intelligently than I can, but if we are submitting to one another wouldn’t that include both wives and husbands? Maybe the wives [submit] verse is just one example of a general principle? (Also, the greek word must not mean submit in a rule/ruled boss/employee sense since we couldn’t submit that way if we are both doing it to each other as per Eph. 5:21.)

    I’ll agree (with the actual verse in context) AND disagree (with the interpretation used in that facebook post). 😉

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