Agree or Disagree: You have struggled at one point or another with Self Esteem. My personal experience with this struggle.

You are an idiot! And stupid! You will never amount to much! You are such a failure! You stupid asshole… 

These are brutal words. Words you shouldn’t hear from anyone, much less say to anyone. Much less to yourself. 

I’ve had some terrible conversations with my mirror. I have said some very hurtful things to me. And it has impacted me deeply in my life 

Perhaps it had something to do with the various people that did say that to me in my past. The very insults and rejections I heard hit the very core of who I was. And it was the only way it could get out. 

It has taken some time to admit this, but I have fought for years over an issue of self esteem. It’s even tougher in some cases because I’m a man and we shouldn’t admit this. We should be confident, after all, that is what is attractive. And I think that is true to a certain extent. 

Looking back, I found that these things happened whenever I made a mistake or take a chance in life. For example, if I forgot something at home, or made simple and obvious mistakes, I got very angry with myself. 

There are many reasons as to why I struggled with self esteem. Yes, I was teased when I was younger. Yes, I accepted that as truth. No, I didn’t fight back to those who did. That all has a huge factor in it. However, I think there were other issues. I found that my tougher struggles were when I felt lonely. Not living alone, but lonely. There’s a difference. You can be alone in a crowded room and still feel lonely. And that happened more than a few times in my life. When people would walk past me without saying hi. Or when I was interrupted and ignored from an opinion I wanted to give. Those things deeply impacted me. It also impacted me when I compared myself with other people and realized quickly for whatever reason I just didn’t measure up. 

To simplify my struggles in three or four paragraphs is tough to do. However, I can speak about it now for two reasons. For one, I recognize when and where my struggles came from. Because of that, I have made some different choices on how I handle things. I noticed that I put my esteem in the hands of other people. So people’s feelings about me affected my view of me. Now I choose to let my God and reflection help me to take better steps in that. 

The second reason is that I not I now know I’m not the only one. Turns out, are lots. Poor Self Esteem is not only for the “lower class”. It can happen to anybody. Jessica Simpson talked about how she hated her body. It’s pretty obvious that she has a beautiful one, but she struggled with it. The point is it can happen to anybody.  One of the great lies when there is struggles is that you feel alone. One of the great discoveries is that you are not.

I’m assuming that most will answer to this “Agree”.  If that is true, how have you overcome? 

 You never know. Maybe your answer can help someone in the same position.


13 responses to “Agree or Disagree: You have struggled at one point or another with Self Esteem. My personal experience with this struggle.

  1. It’s part of the human experience. Everyone has or has had this. Part of the human experience thankfully, is to learn how to keep shifting it 🙂

  2. Agree. Struggled with it for YEARS (and I’m old 😉 Then I decided to take God at His word – He rejoices over us with singing (Zephaniah somewhere). We’re “fearfully and wonderfully made”. I had a live picture of the first verse happen. At the church I was attending, there was a man who’d had a stroke and he often cried and cried. He went up to the front for prayer and the main musician up on the stage went over to him, got down on one knee and just played worship music over him for 10-15 minutes. No prayer, no talking – just singing over him. That time stood out in my mind as “God rejoices over us with singing.

  3. I agree with Melinda. I have learned that its nether “good” or “bad” It’s part of the human experience and a part of who I am, so I embrace it. A lot of the negative self talk I experience also has roots in childhood. I was bullied. A lot. And I grew up with an abusive stepfather. Some of those voices still linger, but I have learned to listen, shift and be gentle on myself, because what may have been my experience then is not my experience now. I did a lot of counseling when I was younger, did a lot of journalling, learned to enjoy my own company and nurtured myself by doing the things that I really love to do. I have also done a lot of personal development in the area of self accountability and I built a network of supportive friends willing to call me on my BS. To build my confidence I pushed my boundaries and did things that scared the bejeebers out of me and proved to myself that I was capable, that I was strong and that I can contribute to the world in a meaningful and positive way. Do I still experience moments of self doubt? Absolutely. I’m not active in church, but I do have faith in God and there is a greater purpose for me in this life than I could possibly ever imagine.

  4. Yes I most certainly agree and I probably will always struggle with it forever sadly.
    Being a single parent with little or no contact from my son’s father is very hard, and when I DO see him he consistently reminds me that I do NOT have any one in my life and “who would want me anyways right” :/ things like that, very hurtful comments. When I was younger I was also bullied. I worry for things like that happening to my son as well, and try to shield him from that as much as possible. It’s hard being alone not having another adult to talk to, and I know there ARE others to talk to, I guess I just feel too independent now…and am used to keeping things inside after having been on my own for so long perhaps. Probably not the best answer huh? I’m almost 40 yrs old, I am my own worst critic at times, but now I am finally starting to accept that I am beautiful as I was made, big boned or not. If I’m alone, that’s ok. 🙂

  5. Agree. As for how to overcome this, part of the solution is to find others that can inspire hope and support my faith. Having an outside opinion pick me up has happened many times in my life and will likely occur more than a few times in the future I’d imagine. Course there is also something to be said for knowing what changes can be made, trying to make them but having compassion for those times when mistakes are made. While I may not always like it, I am human and that means I’ll make mistakes. The key is how do I see those mistakes. Are they just a natural part of living? Are they a lesson for me to learn something I didn’t see previously? Those are part of how I overcome this issue though I do have times where things go less than great for me.

  6. Agree. I struggled with low self-esteem and negative self-talk for years. Even today, I am not immune to it. I still remember the humiliating moments from my childhood in painful detail, even though a lot of the good moments have faded in my mind. It is probably something I will keep working through my whole life. For me, however, there was a turning point – after which I was able to look in the mirror and like myself.
    For most of my younger life, there was someone who found it easy to criticize me. Perhaps criticizing with the best of intentions, but it picked me apart none the less. And as I grew, my own negative self-talk took on the sound of this person’s voice. Then, that person passed away. And in the week that followed, I made a conscious decision. A decision to let my negative self-talk die as well.
    Things didn’t change overnight. It was a long, hard process (and one that is still going on) of replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones.
    There was something that helped me though, and I’m not sure if I came up with it myself or if I heard it or read it somewhere. When someone complimented me, I tended to deflect it somehow. But then I realized something. Whenever it was me paying someone a compliment, it was because I honestly saw something wonderful or beautiful about them, and wanted them to know. So maybe, just maybe, I needed to listen when someone saw something wonderful or beautiful about me. So I started to listen to the compliments, and take them to heart.

  7. I basicly loathe my self. It’s only been the past few years that i’ve been able to find respite from it. The only way i know how is through Jesus.

  8. I agree. I’m still working on it, so I’m not sure that I have any brilliant advice to lend; apart from getting out of one’s own house and doing something completely selfless for a stranger. This has helped me immensely in correcting my perspective when I’ve been feeling low.

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